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Leadership In Youth Ministry

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Confidentiality

Last Revised on January 12, 2012

At some point in ministry, a young person will come to you and say, “I want to talk to you but, promise not to tell anyone.”  Do everyone a favor: Do not make such a promise.

It is important for both you and the young person to understand that confidentiality can never encompass a statement that indicates a young person is a danger to themselves or others.  Being a danger to ones self does not always mean suicide, by the way.  Being an advocate for young people sometimes requires us to say no to situations that are bad for young people. For instance, a young person who may be involved in drugs, alcohol or other at risk behavior (including premarital sex) may choose to confide in you as a cry for help.  Such reckless behavior may require a conversation with the child’s parents and a licensed counselor.   For example, if you get the sense from speaking with a young person that he or she is considering suicide or violent acts against another, you must seek counsel from others immediately.  This might include a conversation with the pastor and perhaps the child’s parents. 

There may also be situations where a child wants to confide in you and what he or she shares may have legal ramifications.  For example, “ Susie wants to talk about how uncomfortable she is around some of the young people at the youth group meetings.  They don’t get along at school and there is a history of teasing. “  It would be appropriate to keep Susie’s confidence and to work with her towards getting along.   You may also be able to use this conversation to pull together a session on bullying.   If, however, “Susie confides in you that she is uncomfortable because she was physically assaulted by one of the young people, that is NOT information that you can keep in confidence.   Professional advice should be sought from our pastor and/or a license counselor. 

So what do you do when a young person asks, “Can you keep a secret?”  The best response would include, I would love to talk to you and hear what you have to say but, I need you to know that I cannot keep something a secret if I fear for your safety or the safety of others.  Chances are, if the young person is looking for help, they will confide in you anyway.

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